How can I help my child with toileting?
Why toileting independence matters
Becoming confident with toileting is an important part of growing up. It supports children’s sense of independence, helps them feel secure in different environments and allows them to participate fully in school and social activities. As with all areas of development, progress varies between children. Most children develop toileting skills gradually over time, and small steps can make a big difference.
Helpful routines
Predictable routines around toileting provide reassurance and help children recognise their body’s signals. Regular opportunities to use the toilet, such as before leaving the house, on arrival, before meals or before bed, reinforce healthy habits. Keeping routines calm and unhurried helps children to feel relaxed and confident.
It can help to establish consistent language at home, using the same words each time, so children know what to expect. Some families find a visual sequence helpful to break the process down: toilet → wipe → flush → wash hands.
Building confidence
Children make progress more easily when adults respond calmly and positively. Praising small steps, such as recognising the need to go, managing clothing or washing hands, builds confidence. Support children in developing independence at a pace that feels achievable, allowing them to take increasing responsibility as they become ready.
Accidents are a normal part of learning. Responding reassuringly, without criticism or pressure, helps children feel safe and willing to keep trying.
Practical ways to support at home
Children benefit from learning toileting routines in a relaxed and familiar environment. Helpful approaches include:
- Wearing clothing that is easy to manage
- Supporting children to recognise bodily cues
- Offering gentle reminders at regular intervals
- Encouraging children to sit comfortably and take their time
- Ensuring stools, toilet seats or footrests are available if needed for comfort and stability
Some children find it helpful to practise flushing and handwashing as part of a predictable sequence. Reading simple stories about toileting can also make the topic feel more familiar.
When children are reluctant
It is common for children to be unsure about using unfamiliar toilets, such as those at school or in public places. Visiting together outside busy times, practising handwashing or noticing where toilets are located can help reduce anxiety. Quiet reassurance, along with gradual exposure, enables children to build confidence at their own pace.
If toileting at school is difficult, let us know. We are happy to work with you to support routines consistently across home and school.
How school supports toileting
School staff understand that toileting independence develops at different rates. Children are encouraged to use the toilet when they need to and are never made to wait unnecessarily. If accidents occur, they are managed discreetly and sensitively. Staff can support children with reminders, quiet encouragement and practical help where appropriate.
Where children would benefit from a more structured approach, we can work with families to agree a simple, consistent plan. This might include regular reminders, use of visual sequences and agreed language to help the child feel secure.
Talking together
Talking with your child about toileting in a calm, matter-of-fact way helps normalise the process. Simple questions such as “Do you think you might need to go soon?” or “How does your tummy feel?” support children in recognising physical cues. Encouraging children to share any worries , for example, about unfamiliar toilets or loud flushes, helps adults provide reassurance and problem-solve together.
Supporting independence over time
As children grow, they can take on more responsibility, such as recognising when they need the toilet, managing clothes, wiping, flushing and washing hands. Gently encouraging these steps one at a time helps build confidence without overwhelming them. Independence develops gradually and is strengthened through calm, consistent support at home and school.
Useful links
Eric Charity - offering help and support
https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/early-parenting/potty-toilet-training/